I don't understand these humans....

I haven't posted in a long time. This time my siblings won't be joining in on this post. One of them is dealing with a new tiny human addition and the other is dealing with a human who works too much. I may have to share both my humans with Dixie, but at least there's a 1:1 ration of humans to fur babies. My humans are so lazy. I have never seen this before. When we go to visit my cousins there is lots of fun to be had. I have my choice of playmates and an abundance of toys. At home I have a couch piled high with fluffy blankets. Now don't get me wrong, I do love my throne of fluffy blankets, but sometimes it'd be nice to have someone play with me. Oh, who am I kidding? I don't really want to play! I just want to burrow in my blankets and be loved on by my humans.

 Mommy is my favorite to snuggle with,

 but I'll take daddy if I'm desperate.

 I tend to be an attention hog. Sometimes Dixie will dare to snuggle with my mama, but I'm right there to remind her that she's all mine! I mean it....I will scooch myself all up in mama's business and move her arm out of the way so I can fit myself between her and Dixie. Mom and dad will sit on opposite ends of the couch with their heads buried in this shiny screen thingy while another big shiny screen thingy is on in the background. I guess I really don't care just as long as I get my snuggles. Sometimes I like to see what all the fuss is about with that shiny screen thingy mommy keeps looking at. She doesn't like that all too much. I also pride myself in keeping mom's seat warm while she's away. She always has this angry look on her face when she comes back and finds me in her seat. It's not like I'm stealing it or anything....I'm just keeping it warm for her. I just hate it when I'm forbidden from getting on the couch. Sometimes I get put in my doggy jail with Dixie. That usually happens when we've come from inside and our feet are wet and muddy from our playtime outdoors. I don't understand why I can't sit up there with my wet feet and hair??? I mean, mom sits up there with her wet hair. Besides, they have all those blankets up there anyway. Blankets wash, so I've been told.

 I must tell everyone what my humans did to me when all this cold, wet white stuff came falling from the sky!!! First of all, how they expect me and  my short legs to walk through all that stuff to handle my outdoor business is beyond me. Second of all, put a sweater on me for crying out loud!!! When they go out, they have on big coats, things to cover their hands and heads. They have hair, too! Not fair!!!! To make matters worse, they started throwing the cold, wet white stuff at me and Dixie when we were all out there together.

 We decided to hide under a table until they were done with their human excitement.

 Mom and dad got to stay home with us on some of those days. I did enjoy our extra cuddle sessions together.

Puppy Concerns and Advice

Dear Cora and Harley,

Sorry I haven’t written these past couple of weeks; it has been a little traumatic for me. For starters, I had to go visit the three letter bad place: you know… the “V” place. Mom told me that Granny and Papa were coming over to take me for a ride. Well, she wasn’t lying. I did go for a ride. What she did fail to mention was that I was going to the VET!!! Of course I took my shot like a champ, but I wish someone woulda given a pup a heads up. That was my first traumatizing event; second, mom decided last week that it was a good time for me to have a bath. Does she even know how long it took me to smell like a dog again? Well I had the bath and then she chased me around the house with girly spray. Not only did I have to have a bath, but now I smell like air freshener gone terribly wrong. Now, the last thing that happened to me, seriously guys, almost ended my life. I saw the whole two years of my life pass by. So mom decided that it would be a good morning to go to the little park behind our “apartments” (I am still trying to figure that one out). Well she took me off the leash, and well I saw a duck that looked like it wanted to play tag. I decided to take one for the team and be “it” first. I took off at a dead sprint after this duck, and that little booger used its weird paws to come off the ground. I was too busy looking up and running to realize that there was a HUGE pond right in front of me. I put on the brakes in a hurry and slid in the mud in the edge of the water. I swear guys I ALMOST DIED… FOR REAL.  I jump back out of the water and look to mom who is literally on the ground LAUGHING. I didn’t jump in her lap for a while that is for sure because it wasn’t funny. Other than that, life has been same ole same ole. Halloween is coming up and mom has me wearing a dumb costume (Cora, I know you can relate). It is a penguin, I think. I don’t even know…all I do know is I look ridiculous. Also, mom brought home this big orange ball thing and set it outside my window. I bark at it to tell it to go away, but it never even budges. It doesn’t even try to leave. Mom calls it a pumpkin? I call it an unnecessary waste of sidewalk space. Well I guess that is all I have to report this week.

Love and miss you both,

Ace (be happy I am still alive) Sellers

Hello brothers,


I have a particular concern this week that I was hoping ya'll could shed some light on.
My momma and Alex have been gradually filling my room with dozens of tiny clothes. Not only that, but now they are also bringing tiny chair like things and a tiny bed...are these for me?
I mean, they put me in them so they must be mine. But if they arn’t, whose are they? Momma and Alex arn’t small enough to fit in them.
I've also been hearing the word 'baby' being said back and forth between momma and whoever’s house we go to. She must be talking about me because I'm her only baby. I get it now!! All these new things are for me!
Mom must have finally realized that I am not just some standard dog and deserve better living arrangements. She even has taken it a step farther as to getting me clothes like she wears.
Finally! I'm glad she has finally seen the error in her ways. I was getting a bit exhausted trying to make it clear to her.
But all that's about to change! Yes, brothers, I am indeed living the good life and will soon be treated like the princess I am.
So how has your lives been?
Mine just getting better and better.
Sending love to the peasant pooches,

Cora 'The Primadonna' Chipoodle

Dear Cora and Ace,

I understand you both have a number of concerns about the things happening in your lives. Let me first address the concerns of that of my brother. Ace, you are without a doubt one of the dopiest individuals on this planet. That duck with the strange paws you speak of had wings that allow it to fly away from nuisances like yourself. I like to refer to what happened to you in this incident as a “natural consequence.” Don’t know what that means? Go look it up. I do share your legitimate fear and disdain for the “V” place. That is scarier than anything I’ve ever come in contact with. I enjoy car rides, too. However, I always am a bit fearful at first because there is always the possibility of the “V” place. That is usually the only time we get to ride in the car. Well, that or the dog groomer. Which, by the way, I have yet to see. I’m a hot mess of mats and stinky. Ace, you may enjoy being stinky, but I don’t. Mama won’t love on me that much when I stink. She won’t let me curl up in those fluffy blankets that I just love! And now, she accuses me of having gas! I mean, the audacity! That’s like the pot calling the kettle black, if you know what I mean?

Now, Cora. I know you think all this stuff is for you. That simply isn’t true. Your mama is going to have a baby. As in, a tiny human person. All those lovely things you think belong to you…well, they don’t. It is all for that tiny human that is growing inside her and making her “fat” as you so aptly stated in your last letter. Brace yourself, tiny humans will take over your life. They are messy and grabby and needy and whine, whine, whine. They, too, are scary. They pull your fur, chase you everywhere, pull your legs, and even bite! I hope you’re prepared for that. Your human is just putting all those things on you for her basic amusement. You are a joke to her and everyone who sees those photos. Ace, your penguin costume is also for your human’s amusement and all those who see that photo.

Thank goodness you two have me here to shed some light on your limited knowledge of how the world works. If you need me, I shall be curled up on the couch in my fluffy blankets, stinky or not! And if I should “pass gas” as I may or may not do from time to time, well the humans will just have to get over it!

Love your superior intelligent brother,

Harley (at times a bit gassy) Browning

We Just don't Understand our Humans!

Dear Cora and Ace,

How was your week? Mine was business as usual. I think my humans are trying to give me more freedom. They’ve recently let me out of my cage when they are gone for the day. I’m trying really hard not to potty in the house so they’ll be proud of me. They’ve tried to free me once before, but I accidently went #2 on their carpet. They weren’t happy about that. So I went back to doggy jail for a while. I mean, I really try hard not to make a mess while they are gone. They keep the trash picked up, so there is no temptation there. Sometimes, they leave their shoes on the floor. But, you know what? I resist the temptation and do not chew them. I overheard mommy saying she had a dog that loved to chew her shoes up once before. He didn’t get to go free. He had to be chained up. Nope! Not me! I want freedom! Dixie gets to run free. If she can be good, so can I. I will be the favorite! I will! Oh, you know what else? They even let me sleep in the bed with them sometimes!!! Dixie doesn’t even get to do that. I’m glad, though. She can’t be still. She is always moving and causing a commotion. I, on the other hand, can be still and cuddle up in one spot. I just love their fluffy blankets.

Here is my complaint this week: Why can’t a dog get a decent bath, brush, and haircut up in here? I mean, mommy keeps saying that it’s too expensive to get us “groomed.” But, you know what? Mommy and daddy both get to take several baths throughout the week. AND….they both got their hair fixed this week! Seriously? Daddy got a nice cut. Mommy came home one day and hers was a different color. I see what their priorities are. Humph! If they don’t do something soon, Granny may step in and try to “groom” us again. Now, last time she did this it did not go very well. Mommy let me go so long without a groom that all my hair was clumped together. Granny tortured me for hours to make me look half way decent. We won’t even talk about what she did to Dixie. She messed her up bad! (But it amuses me because Dixie has a silly hair cutJ) Does this happen to you guys? Do your humans take pride in your appearance? Anyways, I hope you guys have had it good this week. Keep in touch!

Love,

Harley “desperately needs a groom” Browning

Dear Ace and Harley,


Hi little brothers! Ace, my life has been lonely since you and your human left to a new home. Especially now since my human is gone for years at a time every day. Though, despite my many efforts to sway her into staying with me, she still leaves. So I wait and wait, and everyday feels like I wait longer. When she finally comes home, she smells like a place I've never been before.
Mother tells me she has a new job and I cannot come. What is a job? Should I have a job? It sounds like a horrible thing if it keeps her away from me. And what kind of place wouldn't allow her to bring her child?
During her absence, it's all I can do to distract myself from the cold loneliness. Usually I sleep the pain away on a pile of mother’s clothes because the smell is comforting to me. The worry of her never returning grows as the food in my bowl becomes more and more scarce.
Food hasn't seemed to be a worry to her, though, lately. She is getting awfully fat. I've done my best to moderate her food intake by insisting she share with me, but her belly keeps getting bigger and bigger every week. I really am worried, Ace and Harley. What if she has worms or some other horrible parasite inside her?
On a lighter note, I was taken to the groomer this week, and my pompom is on point. Mother is growing my ears out so the she can braid them. OW!

Love your very concerned sister,
Cora (perfect pompom) ChiPoodle

Dear Harley and Cora,

            Well, this week has been interesting to say the least. For starters, I got in MAJOR trouble. Let me preface this little incidence with this… Mom leaves me home alone A LOT…. When she isn’t home, I get lonely. And well, my loneliness took hold and well I may or may not have shredded an entire box of Kleenex. I mean, it serves her right for leaving me for long amounts of time. You should have seen her face when she came in. She had a sort of reddish color about her face and she was yelling. I simply made confetti to celebrate her returning and spread it all around the living room. Instead of taking it as a thoughtful gesture, she was mad…I really can’t imagine why. If she didn’t want to think of it as confetti, she could have thought of it as fake snow (I know she loves the snow). But alas, I got spanked and sent to doggie jail. Another thing that happened to me this week is I decided it would be a great idea to help myself to the bag of treats mom leaves on top of my food container. I didn’t think I would be able to open it at first, but to my surprise, my teeth didn’t let me down. I managed to open the package.  I told myself that I will only allow myself one treat because I had been a good boy and figured I ate all of my kibble, so I certainly deserve one. Well, I ate my one treat and then I just couldn’t stop. Before I knew it, I had devoured the entire bag, and my tummy was not happy. (Did I mention it was the brand new bag mom had just bought the day before?) My tummy hurt, and well, I couldn’t help but lose my dinner and the treats all over mommy’s floor. (oops!) I lay on the couch until she came home, and even then I didn’t greet her at the door. She forced me to follow her outside; which I guess is ok because I threw up again. Mom wasn’t as mad this time, although she did laugh at me and tell me it serves me right. You know I never laugh at her when she is sick. I usually am nice and sit in the bathroom with her as emotional support. See if I ever do that again. Other than that, my week was great. I barked at dogs that came close to my window, I took many naps, and I chewed an entire bone. That was a big deal for me! Whew, talk about a busy week; I hope this week I can do less barking and more sleeping. It is a full time job keeping the dogs away from my window. Well guys, I hope that you have a good week and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Slobbery Kisses,

Ace

We Will Be Heard!!!

This is the story of 3 Chipoodle siblings (or Choodles, as one of us prefers to be called) who belong to three very different siblings. These are their letters to one another sharing about the joys and woes of their world. We begin our story with each dog introducing themselves. 
Written by sisters: Ashley Browning, Amanda Sellers, Elizabeth Sellers

Have you ever wondered what really goes on inside a dog’s head? If you are answering “no” right now, you are so totally lying! I know you humans must ponder from time to time what your domesticated animal friend is thinking. You probably assume there ain’t much on our mind, especially when you see us lick ourselves or sniff another dog’s backside. The reality is, we secretly have deep inner monologues about what in the world our humans are doing…and our fellow domesticated friends. But before I go into all that, let me introduce myself.

I am Harley “Choolican” Browning. I own 2 humans. They always refer to each other as “Choo” and “Chooette” (it sounds ridiculous, but it’s their thing). They are an odd set, especially the female. I think the female is my favorite and she totally loves me more than the other domesticated canine that dwells with us (more about that diva later). She’s always squeezing me, petting me, and making me do weird stuff with my arms, legs, and paws. She thinks she is just so funny. I indulge her ever so often by licking her or nudging her with my nose. If she gets too annoying, I just bounce on over to the male. He’s chill. He respects my need to just lay down and do nothing. He and I have that in common. Don’t get me wrong, my female is totally cuddle worthy. She’s got this soft blanket that just drives me crazy! I wait in anticipation for her to recline on that large, plushy reclining thingy and cuddle up in that blanket. I take that as my cue to jump in her lap and nestle down. I really like it when she is occupied with this bright screen with words on it. She’s always looking at it. I’ve heard her refer to it as “reading.” The male has one, too. I never hear him refer to it as “reading.” He prefers this large black screen with moving pictures on it. He has a fluffy blanket, too. But, he always has that other nuisance in his lap (I think she’s his favorite).

Now, I come from a litter of 3. I have a sister and a brother. They both live far away. Now here’s the funny thing, the female that I own also belongs to a litter of 3. As it happens, the other humans in her litter are owned by my brother and sister! We decided we needed a means of communication between us to share our stories about our humans and our lives. Since they have yet to create “DogBook” or “Domesticated Animals Unite” (both perfectly acceptable social media names) for us to communicate long distance, we have decided to do this the old fashioned way: letters! So sit back and enjoy because…..this is our story!

Most perceive dogs as domestic animals, pets if you will. Four legged friends with few privileges and many boundaries. Sadly, most live their lives from door knobs down, if their lucky. Others are confined in small fenced areas in a backyard with a muddy food bowl and a leaky dog house.
I, on the other hand, couldn't tell you much more about those kind of lives because mine is nothing of the sort. I am not a pet, I am a fur baby.
My name is Cora Chipoodle, and I am one pristine pooch. I have 1 human who takes care of me, and I have her wrapped around my paw.
I live in a home with 4 others like me though. Lily is the oldest. We have the same dad. Then there is Quigley, who lives outdoors, he is massive! Thor, he is the dopey one who doesn't ever know what's going on. Lastly, there is Bailey and she is the biggest pain in my backside I've ever known.
But my family is even bigger than that. Lily has a sister named Dixie, and she lives far, far away with my brother, Harley. I have one other brother, and his name is Ace. He doesn't live as far away as Harley though. 
So that's all of them. Also I have a hunk of a dog that I like to call mine. My human has something like a pet. But he also walks on both legs like she does. I refer to him as a pet though because he follows her and loves her just like I do. She feeds us both and gives us kisses. So I feel it's safe to assume he is also a fur baby, and his name is Alex. But anyway back to MY man. He belongs to Alex and he is the kibble to my bowl and the squeak to my toy. His name is Shadow, and he has this wild dog look that just drives me crazy. I mean, BOW-WOW!
So, my life is pretty great you could say. My human, who I prefer to call my momma, loves me and takes such good care of me. Granted, my bowl does run empty from time to time, but we are working on it. I couldn't imagine life without her.
I'm sure you’re tired of hearing about my life. You're probably asking, "Why?"
Well, me and my brothers, since we all live in separate homes, need a way to stay in contact. We thought, "Why not share our letters with the humans so they might better understand us?"
So that's what we are going to do. Get ready to understand life from behind the black and white eyes of a dog.

By now, you have probably already met my 2 siblings. They saved the best for last I suppose… or it could just be because I am the runt, or because they forgot about me (which happens more than you would think). That’s right, I am Ace: the baby of the litter, the one that came out last, and the smallest and scrawniest out of all of us. There is one in every family, and in mine, it is me. I live with my human, and let me tell you, I am not so sure about her sometimes. For starters, she moved me from my luxurious home with my human slaves, also known as her parents. I had constant attention there. She moved us about a month ago into something she calls an “apartment.” This never made sense to me because they are not apart from anything, in fact, they should be called togetherments. I am now constantly swatted on my bum for barking… ummm hello, human lady, I have something to say. The dog outside my window, yeah not supposed to be there. I am simply telling him to move along. She also calls me Acer Monster…I, for one, am not a monster; therefore, I am pretty sure that name is invalid. I have come to learn something about my human. She belongs with 2 other human people. She calls them sisters. I call them “banes to my existence”. My oldest brother Harley (what a name right?), is the nerdy sophisticated one, much like his human (she is that brainy goody goody, too). My sister, Cora, yeah she is a drama queen. Again, much like her human; they both like to lie around all day and sleep. Me, well I am all over the place. I am a spaz I guess, but my human is, too (if I hide her favorite socks under the bed, she will spaz until she finds them). I only do that when she leaves me for extended amounts of time. What can I say? I am social. I need human interaction. She has threatened to get me a playmate, but I don’t much feel like competing for her love and affection. I will go live with the slave humans if that ever happens. I think that this is her way of making up for the fact that it is just the two of us. I have an idea… why doesn’t she get herself a playmate and leave me out of it? I consider myself to be the loveable one out of my family. Give me a chair and a human’s lap, and I will be your best friend. I keep trying to tell my human that I do not wish to be left alone with tiny human puppies because they are grabby little creatures. Evidently, my subtle snips are not noticed. I do miss my fur siblings, and I am so happy we have finally found a way to communicate. Do me a favor though… if they say anything bad about me, just assume it is exaggerated and not true.

The writers (from left to right): Elizabeth Sellers, Ashley Browning, Amanda Sellers